Chapter One
Yesterday was the 21st of June, 2021. A day earlier i.e. on 20th I got the news that the school campus we live in, is going to conduct a free vaccination drive for all 18-44 year old who were eligible. I was stoked. Partly because the news came almost surprisingly, and partly because I was finally going to get the vaccine. The vaccine. The result of countless individuals and organization’s research, collaboration, innovation, courage, hard work, persistence and good will. The moment I lay eye on the vial I wanted to, in all my might, stand up and scream ‘SCIENCE RIPS MY DUDE, IT RIPS’. But before I could think more, the practitioner jabbed me in the arm. Effortlessly. Like almost an automaton. Clockwork.
I got up, remained there for a few minutes and walked away with my friend.1
I messaged a few of my close friends and conveyed that I was finally blessed by the miracle of science. And then proceeded to do nothing because I was advised to rest. And then, it happened.
If you enjoy reading pieces like this, do consider subscribing to this newsletter to receive interesting posts like this straight into your inbox. I write about a range of issues from ideas, mental models, book reviews to policy analysis, law and technology etc. It’d be great to have you over!
Chapter Two
I began to feel giddy and nauseous. I kept re assuring myself that it was nothing more than a few chills throughout the evening. And by dusk, I was gripped in a tarantula like grip by the fever. Three disclaimers:
I knew before getting the vaccine that this happens to most people and I was okay with it.
I know that the scientific evidence points out to the fact that this is a natural bodily reaction to the vaccine. It’s called inflammation and most kids read about it in middle school.
Even at this point, while I am writing this, the fact that I am able to write coherently and make sense (I hope I do) is testament to the fact that it is probably not that intense.
So before I proceed, I want to make it clear that in no way am I using the obvious side effects of vaccination in any way to even hint at the fact that one should not do it. It is the only way you will be safe. Your safety depends proportionally to the people around you who are vaccinated. Which is why don’t just vaccinate yourself, get your friends and family vaccinated as well.
Having said that, and being a student of mathematics, I do understand probability (and possibility).2 The probability of dying from receiving the vaccine is 0.0002 per cent. You have higher chances of falling off of the top of Mt. Everest and surviving. Imagine that. What this also means is that you will not die in 99.9998 per cent of the cases. Which are some damn good odds if you ask me.
While I started getting fever, sights of the most improbable starting to cross my mind. And my first reaction to that was,
“Well, there is no version of me in any parallel universe that would not have taken the vaccine, because I have obscenely high odds in my favor with the assurance of protection form one of the most notorious virus we’ve ever faced.”
So, to be clear - if you believe in science,3 and have have a little bit of your thinking act together, you’ll vaccinate yourself and encourage others to do it too. You should. You must. This is actually one of the rare instances where there’s a solid case to be made about why this is the ‘objectively right thing to do’. Libertarians, the people who most love not being told by the state what to do, and reject coercion - have been some of the most vocal in getting the vaccination message across. It isn’t just because they rely on J. S. Mill’s harm principle to argue that by not vaccinating yourself, you are increasing the probability of harm by creating instances of possible transmission to other people, vaccinated or not. It is also because, you could very well argue from first principles of public good, liberty, autonomy, state power and even justice - to argue why taking the vaccine is the right thing.4 Interestingly most countries, including India have not made taking the vaccine mandatory. And that’s debatable. I am undecided on this issue. Interestingly Pakistan has made it mandatory. See here.
Chapter Three
As is the issue with me, every time I write, I write about a lot of things before I write about what I originally wanted to write. Maybe this provides a better context, maybe not. But this writing always feels needed. I am driven by a sense of ‘I need to write this’ rather than, ‘I should write this’. Maybe that is why one time I went on and on about why good writing is easy, and not difficult. See here.5
The reason why I wanted to write this, was if unfortunately I happen to come in the 0.0002% of the unfortunate vaccinated people, I would want to write one last essay.
Why essay? Because I am in love with writing essays. Not research paper, not twitter threads, not books or reviews, not feedbacks or replies, or cold emails or research proposals, or most other kinds of writing. I love writing essays. I love essays because they are everything that is good about writing, and everything that you can enjoy off off reading a good writing. Essay allow you to, inter alia, play with ideas, change your perspectives, introduce to the craft of fine writing, force you to think clearly and hard. And most importantly it makes you want to write an essay even when you’re sick. There’s almost nothing that I like doing not being sick, that I enjoy doing while I’m sick. Except writing essays. Having been pushed on by me family to write coherently and comprehensively, I finally found my calling last year, in the middle of the pandemic. I explained my journey of getting seduced by the charm of writing essay to someone over twitter whom I had never met but only talked to, because we read each other’s work. Writing essays builds friendships.
But the gist of the story is that unlike falling in love with someone in the first sight and believing wholeheartedly that they are the one for you, I struggled with loving writing. I struggled and felt as if I couldn’t write naturally. That existed until I started reading more. Books, articles, blogs, Substacks, magazines, deep-dives into the unending space of the Internet. I became an internet native for the first time. That ushered in an un scalable riot of ideas and perspectives in my head. And soon enough, I moved from I can not write, to I can not not write. Writing essays makes you read more.
I do not aim to make this into an essay about writing, even though I would very much like to. I would also like to respond to the readers who are thinking - ‘wait, most of what he’s arguing are the benefits of writing an essay are also the benefits of writing generally’. To some extant, yes. But essay are, in my opinion, the right length, depth and breadth that make them the most writeable and the most readable pieces of writing. I realize that this does warrant a new essay, and I shall write one soon.
Having found the beauty of writing essays, I wish to spend my remaining life writing as many essays about as many things as I can. I wish to write so much that my ink runs out, but my words do not. (Taken from the brilliant Manal Kaul in his interview with Neelesh Misra. See here.)
—Intermission—
My fever is apparently high, and my mother wants me to take my medicine and sleep. And I shall do exactly that. So seems like, death might have to wait till about a day or two.
End.
Chapter Four
Edit: Yesterday night sucked. But the good thing is that I’m pretty much back to normal and only have general weakness. Remember the 99.998% odds? Yeah, those odds rock.
I am now faced with the awkward reality that the reason behind starting this essay, is no longer true (or at least I hope so). But I must continue writing regardless, and assume the reason still exits. As if, this were my last essay.
The second and the last idea I would like to discuss with you is about Curiosity and the Internet age. The one single thing that brings me immense and arguably the most joy is to take deep dives into things that interest me. To go into rabbit holes and be an armchair explorer.6 I’ve mentioned it countless times that the one thing that makes my life worth living is my curiosity. I feel a sense of utmost exhilaration when I’m reading something I have earlier thought hard about or, something I’m impatiently curious about. If I had to use one word to describe myself, it would be curious. Also the words, I would want to be engraved on my grave.
As a generation, we received the most powerful gift of our civilization i.e. the Internet. And as days pass on, we seem to forget how lucky we are to have it. To wonder and be in awe of our luck. Of all the persons born on this planet, we live in the most prosperous, advanced and least violent times. We must occasionally take a step back and think about that. But we must also think about that so that we do not waste this powerful opportunity we have. So that we prepare ourselves as 16th century explorers and be ready to dive into the vastness of the unknown. To talk to people around the world, to learn various languages, to learn about obscure rituals, to read more and more and more, and to watch till our eyes become watery. We are in the golden age of not only content, but humanity. The internet is the gateway to everything.
I sometimes feel a moral obligation to make the most use of my limited time. Not only so that I may develop my faculties as much as I can, but also from a sense of sheer moral luck. I feel the gaze of my ancestors judge me acutely as I wither away my time. I feel as if I owe it to all those who came before me to make us of this brilliant world I have inherited with all its technology and facilities to produce even more good. Not just for myself, but for others too.
The path to doing any good goes through curiosity. My 22ish brain tells me that committing myself to the pursuit of brilliance is a moral imperative. And in my limited understanding of the world, being curious is a pre condition to being brilliant.
Keep your sense of wonder alive. And immerse yourself in it. There is immeasurable joy in following your curiosity, and writing about it. Because in the end, it is only your curiosity that will remain with you, till death do you apart.
So in the end, If I had to write about two ideas that overwhelmingly define my 22ish, they would be writing essays and immersing myself in my curiosity. Which in turn would be my advice to others in my last essay, if I was dying. But thankfully because science works - I will live long enough to write more essays.
If you liked this piece, you can also share this post with your friends, family and loved ones by clicking here:
I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments down below.
For anyone who cares to know, that day I met my childhood best friend after about 2 years. Also, he happened to be my first friend I met after the pandemic started. After 470 days.
Probability is asking ‘What are the chances of event X happening’. Possibility is asking, ‘Can event X even happen?’. So this means that something must first be possible for it to be probable. Which is to say that because Unicorns are impossible to exist, their probability to exist is also zero. And there is a probability of dying after taking Covid vaccines only because it is possible in the first place.
I know there’s a heated debate around whether ‘Believe in Science’ mean trusted skepticism or outright dogma. For me it means trusted skepticism.
A blogpost just as I end with my end terms.
It tellingly got zero likes and/or comments.
Priya Natarajan, professor of astronomy and physics at Yale University in her conversation with Steven Strogatz, Jacob Gould Schurman Professor of Applied Mathematics at Cornell University, talks about the idea of how she with her sense of wonder about the universe and the stars thought of herself as much alike an explorer in the 16th century discovering new world, but sitting in her chair thinking about cosmic realities and black holes. In other words, she was an armchair explorer. You can hear the conversation here.